Just came home from trip to Cancer Treatment Center, still feeling the effects of chemo last night. Right now my chemo schedule is:
Week 1 — long infusion with two chemo meds
Week 2 — short infusion with one chemo med
Week 3 — no treatment
I had just completed the long chemo when I had the surgery, so my oncologist decided that after such a long break he should start the cycle again. So Wednesday became Week 1. And I go back next week for the short chemo.
All of which probably help explain why it hit me so hard this week. I’m really wobbly, and nauseas, but having not had to deal with nausea for a month had completely forgot to take nausea pills with me to Zion. We stopped by my house first thing when we came to town tonight to get those pills, so the situation should improve now.
Heidi and the boys were wonderful helpers, it was a very big job for Heidi to take care of all of us at the same time but as usual she was great. And Karen will be able go with me next week. A superhuman feat in my book, because we have to drive to Zion the day after she arrives home from California where she’s been visiting daughters and new granddaughter.
I realized yesterday that I’ve been confused in my prayers for healing because I haven’t felt that I deserved it. If you come from a seriously dysfunctional family like I did, that might make sense. It was a major awakening moment for me and has helped me feel more accepting of all the love and support I’ve received from all of you. Of course I deserve healing. As do we all! And I believe that God understands what I’m saying when I pray in a more honest way, without the baggage of shame that I grew up with and that He never intends for any of us.
Love to you all,
Helen
So you came from a SERIOUSLY dysfunctional family while others only came from MILDLY dysfunctional families, right? We all have quirks in our personalities that come out at various time of life. Sometimes addressing those quirks in our own lives also helps others who read our words. Thanks Helen, we’re rooting and praying for you.
I hear you. Wheee! Disfunctional!!? Mine was really disfunctional too and I grew up feeling I didn’t deserve healing or love. Sometimes I still do and have to be reminded. I guess what I’m saying is that you aren’t alone, and I understand. You are right. You are really deserving of healing, and you are really loved. You are learning lots and will be learning more, because you have an open, learning frame of mind. I’m also so inspired by how much Heidi shows she loves you. Obviously, you were the best mother you could be for her, (you taught her about Baha’u’llah after all) and she is returning that love. That is where her strength comes from. I sympathize with you about the nausea. It is the most hated symptom, whenever I am sick. Thank God for those nausea pills. And praise Him for good friends like Karen. Also, did you ever think that her service is the best way for a friend to cope with your sickness, by helping you? I wish I could, but can’t because of work. I’m glad you are keeping us posted so we can bear this burden, together, with you. Love, Mick
So glad to hear how you are doing. It is nice to actually read from a person that you are concerned about, rather than only hearing stories second-hand. Thank you for the little nugget of insight, too. There are questions and issues and thoughts that can sometimes only be recognized and addressed with a life altering struggle such as yours. My former boss is fighting adenocarcinoma right now and has had alot to think about and deal with, and us along with him…. anyhoo, thanks for the update. I had been wondering how you and Heidi were. Please let me know what I can do to help out if anything. We will continue to pray and think good thoughts!