We pulled off at a small town in the cornfields and drove past the town to where farms sit wide apart. My mom needed to rest on the way home from treatment(a three and a half hour drive each way). When she first learned that cancer had returned, I offered what I hoped to be a ray of light. “So many friends are jumping in to help you. Community building through illness isn’t ideal, but it’s still love and people coming together.” She agreed, tired, but smiling.
On our way to the farm where my cousin was watching two of her nieces and both nephews, I commented similarly, “Seems like this is bringing our family closer together too.” I’ve had good intentions for years.
While my mom stretched out on the couch and the older children made a mess in the basement, I rocked and fed my newest second cousin in a big squishy recliner. I’ve never bottle fed a baby before and really didn’t know what I was doing. I earned a giggling smile from his aunt (my youngest cousin) and a suggestion for how I might fare better. Once I got little guy to a familiar-to-him position, he stared up at me with his big, beautiful, blue eyes and for a few minutes, I hummed him a lullaby, and whispered, “You are beautiful little one.”.
Smsll hands, tiny finger nails, slow-motion movements, wordless (but clear) communication, how he seemed to say everything with his eyes and a few soft sounds. These were what I noticed today.
Day 13