time

Picking red and black raspberries at 6pm. A tour of the garden by Maya. She’s so articulate now. I was out there with the mosquitoes, the damp air that is summer in Illinois. I listened to Teresa splash in the little blue plastic pool near the play set near the new trampoline with the big net.
Driving with a quiet mind to the coop food store. A walking meditation through the aisles. Dental floss, bar of castille soap, 2 kinds of hummus, chips. I resisted the chocolate. Eying items one by one, weighing the possibilities in a part of my thinking that I can not see if I look directly at it. Outside I sat on a wooden patio seat, laid my food out, read a bit of Pratchett, looked at the sky, the people walking by, not very many on Sunday after 6pm. I called in to a 12 step meeting. I listened. The Serenity prayer, The Problem, The Solution, The Twelves steps, The reading from text, the sharing as each voice gave it’s story, it’s slice of understanding.
I walked slowly to the car. Once the ac was on, I leaned the seat back, kept listening, closed my eyes, waited. My body sank in to the seat, relaxed. I knew a car pulled up next to me, someone got out then got back in a bit later. I didn’t look. I knew the little car was black. Eyes open now, I looked at all the clouds. I did not see shapes, I saw sky, big and beautiful, far away and all around me. Time passed slowly. As I listened I nodded recognition. I didn’t give a piece of my story today. I did last week, I will later.
This was two and a half hours alone.