Dear Love of My Life,
You already know how it goes. This is where I fall apart, just as the reality of our efforts begins to bear fruit.
I’m all warrior-like and together in the planning stages and in the beginning steps. I’m a powerhouse through the body of a challenge. I only barely falter as we wind down to the last bits, and then, just as we’re about to cross the finish line…
I sit right down on the road, cross my legs, rest my head in my hands and begin to weep, moaning pathetically, “I can’t, I just… can’t…. go on. What were we thinking?” Then, slowly, once I’ve convinced myself of the validity of my tear-filled testimony, I rise, turn back the way we came, and saunter away, content to quit, give up, remain consistent with a past that threatens to define me (quitter) – ashamed but emotionally safe, for a while.
NOT THIS TIME!
I’m a wobbly, anxious mess, unable to see how we’ll ever tear across the long white tape of victory (staying the course), how we’ll figure out what to do with a few not-even-important things I’m placing too much value on – Argh! How do inatimate objects gain inordinate value! – letting my mind wander to the moment I will hand over our house keys to another family.
I’m walking forward, side by side with my life long mate, with our children, hoping someone will catch me if I falter or wait nearby if I need to lean against a lamp post and catch my breath.
To each his own demons, overwhelming situations, struggles. For me, today, it is being willing to say yes when I want to run away, allowing the finishing touches of our Major Life Changing Plans to be carried through.
I can do this honey. Just hold my hand.
Your Determined Dear