sacred transition

boy perched sleepily on my hip, i walk softly to a twin bed in the corner, settle us down
we’re easing into the last time this love scene will play out as it has for months into years as you grew
i would carry you
to forever
let this moment
last an always
if only
time stood still
and I could do everything
never let go
if doing everything
were best
and little boys
stayed small
i am ready to be done
there must be a last time
we both know
i rest my back
against the wall
rest you in my arms
in a dark room
sing our bedtime prayer
once you are latched
my milk flowing for you
prayer and milk
weighing heavy
on your eyes
“Blessed is the spot, and the house, and the place, and the city, and the heart, and the mountain, and the refuge, and the cave, and the valley, and the land, and the sea, and the island, and the meadow where mention of God hath been made, and His praise glorified”*
last syllable hangs in the air, a hum
following familiar melody
i see you wholly with my arms
one hand beneath your shoulder
the other brushes
a piece of hair
from your eye
to you
my voice is silk
edge of a blanket
you never caressed
for comfort
as I have
always been here
shadows from a street lamp
allow me to see
your outline
rise and fall
of eyelids
you hoping
sleep
will
wait
just
a
little
while
longer
while I sing again for you, shadows of gratitude and a another prayer – to hold my heart together – mingle in my thoughts
drop by drop
tears land
on your pajamas
i sing again
rock you gently
tears fall like rain
i never rise from beneath your sleeping form
we’re still in the southwest
bathed in silent shadow
lingering on the last hum
still fading slowly
slowly
even as you grow
a child now
who stands in full morning light
years since
telling me the same
knock knock joke
every day for a week
laughing with each delivery
perfection
of new found humor
budding
in your soft gray eyes
dancing
on a face well defined
surrounded by hair
no longer
baby soft

same tune, only slower when i sang him to sleep as a wee one
even now, years later, when his brother and i sing Blessed is the Spot at bed time (we love to harmonize), he yawns big, shifts to a sleep position and gives up his fight to stay wide awake. he doesn’t go right to sleep, but he allows himself to begin drifting off
he’s the boy dancing in the sun upper left on my banner
*Prayer revealed by Baha’u’llah