Heidi Beth

A Different Kind of Transition

Our house went on the market yesterday(mid Feb, 07). The first showing was today. We're moving to Texas. I haven't been posting because I don't share well when I'm in the thick of a challenge. I read other people sharing their trials, looking for input, willing and able to reach out. So far, this has not been my way. I figure it's just different personalities, but I sense there may be more to it. Like not wanting to burden other people, feeling embarrassed, not trusting that I can handle it if someone I care about is insensitive accidently or on purpose. Or only wanting to write if I feel I can write well. I have those notebooks full of ramblings, mostly interrupted or incomplete thoughts, and simple boring sentences. But I am happy to go through that to get to the meat, or fire of a memory or idea where the writing is good. Where I can reread it after a few weeks and realize it's right, that I said what I meant. Somehow, this is different. Obviously it's the audience aspect. I've produced and participated in several open mic's. I enjoy sharing. Maybe if I look at a blog that way I'll post more! Also, life has been more than full with just the everyday of raising two boys who need to be with their father more. I keep a 1/4 size notebook in my purse for the opportunities I get to go out alone and can use that time staring out the window of some cafe. Writing in this has been how I have kept an agreement with myself to write regularly, somehow, even if it's all I do. So far this year, that little notebook and posting are the only writing I've done. But it's been consistent if not regular, more than the 3 years preceding.

Starting this post, I intended to share insights I've had recently about the new stage our family will be entering. How it fits with our original vision of service when we decided to get married. How reaching for that vision is requiring courage, more than I realized. At the time we prayerfully decided moving was the answer to consecrating ourselves to our children's education and upbringing, and certainly necessary for David and I to continue building our marriage, I was barely aware that we were indeed entering a new phase of our lives. I'm finding words(as usual) to barely nudge what I'd like to say. Like navigating through fog. Ugh.

Life is a preparation for our soul's continued journey after our bodies die. So maybe I had to get comfortable in order to value the sacrifice of living our vision. Otherwise, It'd have been too easy. A year ago I would have been just as happy to...(6 months later I continue the thought)...pick up and go, likely unprepared for the challenges and too early for the gifts.

Now we are 6 weeks in Texas. I had hoped to be ready to post more shortly after we moved, but we decided not to have internet access at our home. I wanted to share the journey we've been on more clearly. Doubtful this will happen tonight, but something must be said, if only because I have this space to share and it calls me. Technically we're in Illinois just now, visiting. A slow quiet visit, like the kind we figured would be the way once we simplified our lives. Amble on up the road, you know. Stay a spell and amble on back down some time later. So this is how it's going...well.

Posted by heidi at August 24, 2007 07:13 PM