Comments on: 10 of 30 Thinking Outloud About My Father

By: Heidi

Heidi — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 02:01:52 +0000

Katrina, It’s true. People say it all the time. But practicing loving people as they are is harder, so hard we often don’t realize we’re imposing our expectations onto others, at least I didn’t until I wrote this.
Amy, Lotta wisdom here. A lot to ponder. The biggest relief is that I let myself off the hook when I gave up. It’s surely the healthiest response for all concerned. I’ll have to think about the idea that one can “fall in love with their own misery.”

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 02:31:30 +0000

Heidi, love, you’ve done all you possibly can. Know this: if you were with him 24/7; if you had no husband/children/life of your own; if you gave every ounce of energy and love you possess (considerable resources), it would not be enough. Trust me on this. I’ve been trying to lift my father’s depression for nearly 50 years now. When a person falls in love with their own misery, there is no remedy. Nothing is enough. I’ve only recently let myself off the hook by realizing that I am not responsible for my father’s happiness (or misery). We can never be responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Your dad is the only one who can do that for himself and it’s very clear that either he doesn’t think it’s possible or that he is unwilling to make an effort. It stinks, but there it is. You can continue to do the things that he responds to and enjoy those moments. It’s better than nothing.
Love,
Amy

By: Katrina

Katrina — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 14:23:50 +0000

I have a parent that I’ve all but given up on too. I want her to be who I need her to be instead of loving and accepting her for who she is at any given moment. Isn’t that what anyone wants, to be loved and accepted just as they are?